The Silent Vinyl

Once I went over to a friend's house after school to hang out and listen to records. After some time passed he showed me some videos that him and his friends had made which turned out to be Anti-Gay video projects that involved my said friend acting like a flamboyant gay man, and the cameraman's brother acting as the gunman who killed him (in numerous videos) just before saying, "Die Gay Man." I was sixteen at the time, unaware of my own sexuality. Which I guess is the only reason I can think of as to why I was to afraid to speak up and say anything or even figure out how exactly it made me feel. The only thing I could say was, "Why did you film something like that?" My friend just sort of looked at me confused as if to say, "Why Not?" I look back on that moment as a reflection of my own life. Often times I've felt like that gay man in the video getting shot. His flamboyancy acting as a symbol of how I feel when I'm the target of gay jokes; considered to be a thing, a pariah, an abomination. But most of all I feel like him when I don't speak up for myself, and for others. When I remain as silent as I was on that very day. I never want to hold that silence again.