Post California Dreamin

Good day, bloggers. Cereal Man here. Back for more, and back for good. Its time we caught up on everything that's taken place in the Rose City, since my return.

What is there to say about California? The Katy Perry wind, the shrimp and crab melt sandwiches, the Disneyland age regression, the infamous party in Santa Barbara, Aunt Nyvon and cousin Jessica, Grandma's house, gym workouts, alas, only a dream brought to life by borrowed money and subtle apologies.

Only 24 hours later after my landing at PDX airport on the 12 of Aug., the grim 13th brought us once again to Cinema 21. Where took place the infamous one year anniversary of Tommy Wiseau's, "The Room." Though Mr. Wiseau himself was nowhere to be see, the night brought back the trio of, "Johnny's"  Mr. Ian Coleman of Rick Moranis look alike fame, and a new Room virgin plucked fresh from the fruit by my very own self. This virgin and I, Ernest of the Brenden's, took root at MELT for some Margaritas/Bloody Mary's, and a fatal faux chocolate cake shot. Tsk tsk, Melt bartender. As George Bush says, "Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, uh.....I wont get fooled again." Ernest and I took our place in line, right at the front of the door and only directly behind the Johnny trio. Upon entry we sat in the front row, with Ian Moranis, the Johnny's, and the spoons.

Jump to a few weeks later fast forwarding themselves to right about, last Tuesday. The ole Southern Belle Tonya, had some old tricks up her sleeve.Since my return Tonya and I have frequented the Oregon Zoo, a sweaty expedition involving blurry picture snaps of the animals running away from us, and an incredible bat exhibit.
The Silverado, which involved Margaritas, a bouncer who claimed to be so distracted by my looks he ran smack dab into an amazon woman and her drink, and a stripper who was the very definition of cute as a button. As I looked over at the decayed chicken hawk sugar daddy who kept him on a leash, I had never been more tempted to pull a Taxi Driver and save his Jodi Foster ass.
And of course, the endless nights of True Blood and Dexter marathons. Equipped with fried okra, bud light 40's, reciting craigslist men seeking men ads at 4 in the morning, VH1 block party musicfests, and bunny petting.

My dear Harryhausen, God help him, has become an official US Army soldier. His ship sails at March's dawn, and so till then we'll have to frequent his appearances so he will have chance to leave his invincible mark in the Portland Bowl.
Ryan 1 has plowed the train straight past wreck and right on till scrap heap purgatory. Our sources reported him seen outside CC Slaughters restaurant, (an establishment he was well known for distasting) only after being reported via facebook that he was moving to Phoenix. And who may or may not have been making the move to become a porn star. Whatever the case Portland bloggers, it looks like it'll still be awhile before we've expunged the Portland fingerprints of Ryan 1.
Ragin Megan has found a new man, yet what he lacks in homosexual courtesy, he makes up for in a fine physique and Calvin Klein face.
Noah Hoah has gone A wall, responding to the occasional text with a fierce cat growl.
Theo has gone from elusive cherub boy, to refreshingly still beautiful yet humanely unlike Ryan 1, man of the hour.

Some new have friends have joined the cereal bowl amongst the seasoned flakes and nut clusters:

Shawnshine: A pocket gay who knows just as much about Doctor Who as he does about being a cutiepie.

Katiebug: With the Grace of Grace Kelly and the non stick Pam wit of Pam Beasley from, "The Office,"
Katie has won it all. An adorable house, an income of stability, and a passionate man to share her casserole dishes with.

Sarah Spurlock: Cousin to Morgan Spurlock of Super Size Me fame, this party girl can drink for thirty days and still have the meek softness that makes her such a delight to track the clubbing scene with.

and Ernest of the Brendan's. Who just may give dear Theo a run for Man of the Year.

And finally bloggers, Ernie Boy has been found! His return came with the sad realization of the dearly departed, Bobo Lesop. His dear cat, who will live in our hearts as well as our laps as long as their are black kitties roaming the cat scratch fever scene. Our reunion was made on the grounds of what is sure to become the party of the year. Jump to NE Alberta, on the nine year anniversary of the terrorist attacks, where SPOTTED: "Suspicious Death's Party." Where the guests are required to dress as their favorite suspicious death. Can you feel the reincarnated creativity brewing bloggers? I was dressed as a modest Bruce Lee, while Ernie Boy was dressed to perfection as little Jonbennet Ramsey. The guests included Hitler, Brian Jones, Jim Morrison, Jayne Mansfield, Richie Valens, the colony of Roanoke, and alas the Twin Towers. Courtesy of Ajah and man company. It isn't everyday you can say you danced with Jonbennet, rubbed Morrison's belly, drank Jones's Kool Aid, and dodged the Twin Towers. Oh yes, and kissed Jesus. Oh, did I leave him out? Yes bloggers, Jesus Christ attended the party. And while I hold back the confession of my sins, lets just say Ive drank the wine and I'm not finished. ;)

So that's everything you've missed. My hands applaud the carpel tunnel ache at the paragraphs I have formed. My drive has been ignited. I feel as though I have said it in pages upon mountains of pages that I-AM-BACK. But its just not enough. I could sit here and type it more, but I must get ready to scamper along to Sonic Kayla's house for some business arrangements.

So until next time bloggers, this is Cereal Man, draining the bowl.

<3

"If everybody loved each other, the world would be a better place to live." ~ Tommy Wiseau.